Many of the emails Sean receives come from young men planning to buy their first home before proposing, as many of his friends around 30 have done. The pressure falls hardest on those from other states who already pay rent in Kuala Lumpur, on top of the cost of a car, a ring and a wedding.
Is it necessary to own a property before proposing, and what kind of first home makes sense for a couple?
“please do not have your dream home as your first property”
No. It is fine to rent while saving, and if you do buy, buy within your budget rather than a dream home. An RM800,000 landed house needs about RM4,000 a month for 30 years, which can absorb one partner's entire salary and put the relationship under strain.
Why
The norm creates a heavy burden
Car, ring, wedding and home all fall in the same few years. Outstation workers paying rent in Kuala Lumpur find it especially hard to save a deposit as well.
A dream home can take a whole salary
For a couple earning RM4,000 to RM6,000 each, a RM4,000 instalment leaves every other cost, from furnishing to utilities, on one salary.
Smaller first homes are fine
A terrace house has four bedrooms; many couples use one or two. A studio or a cheaper apartment can be a sensible start.
Don't buy jointly before marriage
Sean repeats his warning against buying with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Once engaged and sure of each other, a couple can consider a joint purchase.
What to do
- Set a budget together for the wedding and the home, and stick to it.
- Consider renting, or living with family, while you save after marriage.
- Size your first home to the rooms you actually need.
- Keep the instalment well within one salary.
- Ignore pressure from others about what a couple should own.
Editorial Note: Summarised from Sean Tan's full episode. The quoted answer is in his own words; the rest is our paraphrase. Figures reflect the recording date, so check current rates and rules before acting on them.
MUST YOU HAVE A PROPERTY BEFORE YOU PROPOSE?
Sources & Verification Data
Summarised from Sean's full English captions for this November 2019 video, which he framed as an open discussion. The quoted line is verbatim; everything else is paraphrased.
